Step 5: Respond...Or Don’t

Yourprofile is activated. If you’ve done a good job, you may be receiving messagesfrom people. If you’re attractive and photogenic, you may even be receiving alot of messages. Don’t let that stress you out. You don’t have to respond tothem, and most people don’t. It might seem impolite, but most members havelearned what to expect. When I write someone, I don’t anticipate any response,and I’m pleasantly surprised when I receive one. A negative response, howevernicely expressed, might even be harder on the ego than no response. I’m nottelling you not to respond to people if it makes you feel better, but youshouldn’t feel pressure to do so.

[TR: Match.comencourages people to send a “No thanks” reply to people, saying it’s only fairto give them a reason why rather than leave them wondering. That made me feelguilty at first, but a pile of generic “mass-mailings” helped me get over thatpretty quick.]

Hopefullyyou’ve received messages from a few people you’d like to get to know better.Before you do anything else, lower your expectations. These people may not turnout to be whom they seem to be. Furthermore, just because people contact youfirst, doesn’t mean that they won’t disappear without a trace after a couple ofemails. If you get too excited, you’re bound to be frustrated.

Somepeople respond to first contacts by writing one-line messages that don’t reallysay anything. Don’t do that. For you and your correspondent to get to know oneanother, a conversation has to begin, and it takes two to begin a conversation.The other person has taken the first step by getting in touch with you; showsome courtesy by initiating a dialogue. You can respond to the text of theoriginal message, make a comment about the other person’s profile, or ask acouple of questions.


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